"There's a point in your life when you get tired of fixing everything & trying to make everyone happy. When you finally decide to quit, it's NOT giving up. It's realizing you don't need certain people and the bullshit they bring in to your life."

happy new years everyone :D

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"Dream more while you are awake."

i've been falling into a number of addictions lately such as: my pink berry. which has been exceptionally loyal. now that i have msn/facebook/bbm, i'm on it more often than not :$ on top of that, I've been catching myself on blogspot more than facebook, even if i'm not posting all the time, haha! i keep wanting to fix it!

spent my afternoon at mac with aj today. finally got to use my gift card hehe... thanks mama for the hook up :) happily purchased the fuschia lip conditioner and the splash proof mascara (which i had to buy cause i've been going about without make up for way too long haha). the two totaled up to about $30? mac is so friggen over priced damnit. anyway, i spent the rest of the day just like every other day. sitting at home and eating :(

REMINDER: drink more freaking water. i'm breaking out so much. i gotta clear up this skin before school comes back! hurrrrrry!!!

"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it. I will love you through that, as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death, I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression, and I am braver than Lonliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."

(despite my last blog...)

I'm not sure what's been happening lately. All I know is that the fire is fading... most days i find myself not trying. not giving it everything. i never remember why i'm dancing in the first place. i forgot what it's like to work my ass off... i need to remember why i'm dancing. not just to excel and be the best... but to love it. love it for what it is. what it makes me feel. the feeling that flows through my blood when i dance. the trance my mind goes into once the music starts playing. and it's not just about the choreography, it's not about who has the cooler moves... it's about how to move my body to the music... to "play the music with my body."

for the longest time i found myself constantly upset and bitter because i was never satisfied with myself. Never liked the way i danced. Never liked my choreography. I was always so focused on "how do i do this so it looks sick?" or "how can i look better than this girl beside me?" or "how can i make select" (lol). all this shit's been clouding the minds of so many dancers now a days. everyone's losing the love for dance and it's sad to see....

people should love it when it hurts. not bitch and complain. you should be proud that you worked so hard, that you're body is straining in exhaustion. it's not normal for people to want pain, haha. it just shows that it takes drive and passion to be able to work your body so hard... it takes love to ignore the soreness of your body and to wear it as a personal badge knowing that you busted your ass for it.

damn... as much as i'm lacking right now, i'm hella inspired to turn this shit around. a big ass thank you to all those dancers who are constantly inspiring me. whether i dance with you or not. Thank you for reminding me why i love dancing.

shout outs to

247, praiseteam sickstylz stonefox ktl xss rxf non dream illest vibe...

we're all reppin vancity's talent. be proud cuz you're all crazy ass dancers... and sorry if i forgot anyone. there's just so many of us haha. let's all remember why we're doing this, and spread the message by reflecting it off the way we dance. “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” - 1 Corinthians 13:5