as much as this upsets me, i'm going to embrace this flaw and use it to my advantage. i will over come this. i will look back and know that i finally passed that stage, and welcome the next flaw with open arms.
you're always there for me, now you're with me in dreams. It's got me wondering if you ever dream of me.
if you're not here for the same reasons we are... then please, don't bring us down with you. we do this because we love it. we don't do it just for the hell of it. we work to get better. we don't sit around, bitching, complaining and wishing we were better. we work hard to get to where we are.
"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that’s patience." -
via nikki d
/// thank you. even if i didn't show it very much, or at all actually... i really did take it to heart. i try to pretend like it's nothing because i'm being careful, not to get ahead of myself. i'm being a smarter and more ambitious girl this year, and i am determined to reach my goals!!!
today i got another step closer. whether bigger/smaller than usual... i can feel it that much closer. even if isn't much, i will take it like the freakin' golden ticket to Willy Wonkas Factory, because given this award... i'm glad to know that i worked hard to earn it. so thank you, again for the feedback. little as it may be, i worked for it and i will continue to work harder to outdo myself again.
i absolutely, positively hate how much jealousy manipulates my mind. it can turn the most insignificant event into something disastrous. when it's there, i can feel it, and i know i'm being unreasonable but once it's there it's extremely difficult to get rid of. i have to learn how to be humble, or else i'm not gonna get anywhere in life.
reminder #234723856039480134: be grateful for what you have. be happy for those who are given better opportunities, and pray that it'll be you're turn some day. i mean there's a reason for everything, and if ya don't get it.. then there must be a reason why.
taken from (a million) previous experiences... jealousy is not a choice either. jealousy is not a bad thing unless you provoke it. it's not something people choose, or something people can turn away from. i personally find that i can't control when jealousy comes and goes. however, i can control my actions. whether i choose to feed the green eyed monster or not, is up to me. hell, it ain't easy. there's a reason why it's called a "monster". it's terrifying and scary. especially when you want something so bad, that it scares you how much you want it. sometimes it feels like it's clawing at your insides because it wants it so bad. but it's either you starve the thing to death... or you keep feeding it what it wants; so much that it starts walking all over you and your life.
"The heart is a muscle... and what do muscles do when they're torn? They grow back STRONGER"
via nikki dionisio
ok i realized that i have better things to sacrifice for lent (ahh see how indecisive i am haha) and i'm deciding to change it up: no coffee, fast food and swearingfor lent! this way, i can resolve this ridiculous love handle business and practice better manners. i'm such a potty mouth :( i also figured that i should probably replace coffee with tea instead. i haven't given tea enough credit.. it's pretty good. i'm on my third cup today, lol. i wonder if that's allowed....
such a pretty day today :) wasn't able to get out and enjoy it, but i watched the canada vs swiss game! ... by myself, haha! i'm not ashamed to say that i had fun tho, HAHA. i'm starting to get a hang of this hockey stuff :$ sucha noob!
"Here's the truth about the truth: It hurts, so we lie."
- meredith grey
giving up facebook and twitter for lent! gonna keep blogger in an attempt at some sort of self-seeking type thing, haha!
there are a lot of things i wish i could give up for lent, but i feel like if i try it all at once, i'll be spreading myself too thin. i guess i should just attack one bad habit at a time, giving it all that i can. much more efficient that way :) with this new system at hand, i'm also trying to fill in the void that all the bad habits have made with positive things such as: catching up on my reading, doing some chores, choreo-ing, etc etc :) aaaahhh wish me luck
"So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young. So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun."
stop this train - john mayer
another mistake comes with another lesson.
bad habits will be the death of me, i swear.
"Sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying." -Meredith Grey
one word, with two alternate meanings. now which one do i use on you?
est: 2/16/2010 11:22:00 PM
We on some next level shit.
you keep me on my toes. you teach me what i'm doing wrong, and what i'm doing right. you show me that sometimes my hardest, isn't the hardest. you know how to break me down, and how to build me up. to most people, you aren't the best company... but for me, i am grateful. without you, i wouldn't feel the need to work harder, to get better. i wouldn't know how to outdo myself.
so thank you, Failure. you've taught me a good lesson today.
my best may not be the best, but it will all come in time.
baby steps and hard work. next time will be better :)
///
thank you for sushi pt.2! life doesn't get any easier when it's with you :) i know i'm a handful (more like two :$) but only u have enough patience to carry it all. i love i love i love youuuuu! and ur right, ur a pretty good actor :( please get better soon!!!!
i needa learn how to accept what's given to me. i have to stop looking for people to blame. sometimes, there is no one to blame. sometimes, it's just life. I can't keep trying to control things I cannot, cuz i'll just get frustrated. I'll just end up angry at myself and everyone, and nothing good will come out of that.
just gotta accept what i can't be given, and be thankful for what i have.
est: 2/15/2010 10:07:00 PM
"I’m Not Asking For You To Fall In Love, For Some Great Romance. Just Be With Me, Until The Feelings Gone."
It's only the beginning of Olympic break and i'm in love so far. Finally got my Quatchi and red mittens! I know everyone has them, but fuck it. I love my mittens :) Still looking for a grey zip up, but i'm pretty sure they're all sold out... So lame.
Spent Friday & Saturday in Yaletown dancing with Praiseteam. Such big turn outs! Soooo much love downtown (and so many drunk people too, haha!). Finished off and partied at Jades last night. What can I say? Hot dogs on tea bags and lighting our own Olympic torch, HAHA ;) Can't wait to have our own Olympics, hehe.
I LOVE THE OLYMPICS! keep 'em coming. I've got 2 weeks left!
still trying to figure out where i am. i'm testing boundaries and constantly trying to push them farther. i will not settle for a goal. i will not set limits on myself. i will keep loving what i'm doing. "inspire and be inspired" and all that.
will not settle for what i can do,
but i will strive for what i can't.
everyday's a new challenge. i will take it one day at a time, and give each day everything that i have :)
there are a lot of things that people don't know about me. there are a lot of things i don't even know about myself. which is why it hits me harder than usual when i discover myself through other people. "you're just like me. if you want something, you get it... and you won't stop until you get it." - daddy
oh and if you're wondering about the title.... i didn't make honor roll (even though i technically did) b/c my teacher gave me an I (incomplete) for not giving in a donation.... but i'm past the angry phase. i'm just in the waiting-for-break-to-end-so-i-can-corner-my-teacher-first-thing-back-to-get-my-damn-honor-roll phase. shit happens, but hey... that's life. i'm just gonna relax, and enjoy the late nights and olympic hype... and be happy :)
plus, i have so many things to be grateful for:
- senior C is finally done our piece!!!! debut on the weekend for downtown olympic entertainment. it's free if ya wanna watch!
- bess is being... the bess :)
- not so sick anymore, so the body is fully functional again!
- did not die from pinching a nerve in my neck last practice
- showcase is looking oh so good! :)
- been full of inspirational fire to keep me going. it's like 50 energy drinks packed into a simple mind set: "it's not called work if you're doing what you love"
i wanna sleep late tonight cuz it's my first day off, but there's nothing to do!!! :( what to do what to do :(...
and i thought nothing could hold me back... but im sick :( sick enough not to dance for footloose yesterday (waaaah) and still sick enough not to go to praiseteam today. i hate missing performances/practices cuz now i've fallen behind :(
spent a half hour trying to get fb back on my blackberry, with success :) still haven't eaten anything for probably more than 12 hours, and i'm not even hungry! which is probably the reason why i've been shying away from the meds cuz if i don't eat something before hand, i'll get a stomach ache :( so, no food = no medicine = unhappy lanie :( the simplest tasks will suck the energy out of me, so when i'm not reading, i'm fast asleep... and i know this is gross but i finally took a shower today after two days LOL.
gaaaaaaaaaaah i hate this!!!!!! but i am slowly getting better. hopefully aj will be stopping by soon to drop off my homework, i need to focus on something else :(
this dance week has been straight up love. i wish i could sit here and just explain how good it's been feeling (mentally and physically) but damn. i just hope all the dancers in the world will be able to experience it at some point in their lives. it just makes me smile waking up in the morning and having no recollection of where all the pain in my muscles came from :)
and thank you, for always keeping me grounded and inspiring me (not only in dance either). enjoy! :)
i might not get everything that i really want, but i have everything i need. even if i find my self envying what others have... i should be grateful, and happy for them. because if i can't be granted that kind of happiness, i should just be glad someone else did :)
[dboard /
in /
new /
template]